Aug 29 2010

I should be jogging

I should be jogging but I’m feeling extremely reflective this Sunday Morning so I’m doing something I haven’t done in a long time – blogging! Life has taken on a wonderful turn. I’m living the perfect single life right now and I couldn’t be happier. I just checked with myself and I am not even as lonely as I thought I would be. The truth is, I have people. I may not have a person, but I have people who fulfill that one person in their various ways.

Don’t get me wrong, it still feels like something is missing but I think that it’s good for me to continue being single for a while, even though I decided to start dating again. I like having one person to turn to whenever I need some sympathy but with Twitter around, I have that one person. Except that one person is actually in the hundreds1. Add to that real-life meetings2 and what more could a girl really ask for? Oh right,3 satisfaction – not to worry, I have that covered too.

Then there are those sort of activities that you would normally only experience with a significant other; partially because of the chemistry between male & female whilst they execute these activities4 like going out to nice dinners and making delicious, gourmet dinners together and enjoying lots and lots of wine. I can enjoy these things, knowing that these people are not expecting sex from me. Do you have any idea how wonderful it feels to hang out with guys and feel that they love you and yet know that they’re not going to try to sleep with you? It feel fan-freakin’-tastically amazing.

Every since I hit puberty, all the boys want to talk to me and they stare and they call and whatever. But in all honesty, they can all go fuck themselves because they rarely actually care or cared about me as a person. Naturally, I envied ‘the cute’ one in the group because the boys who liked them did so because they were interested in hanging out with them and having a real relationship with them. When I was younger, I was insecure and I gave in to their wants to try to get them to like me, and hopefully get to know me. Ask me if that worked out, eff no. ‘The cute’ one in the group would tell me to shut up because at least I could get laid and all the boys wanted to do was spend time with them… I didn’t even know what to say to that so I just stared with my mouth a-gape.

So I might as well spell it out. If you’re thinking about it… You are SOL5 unless you and I become best friends first and I’m still attracted to you after that; because this shop is on fort knox mode, permanentemente.

Footnotes:
  1. no, not in age you doof[↩]
  2. aka Tweetups[↩]
  3. sexual[↩]
  4. get your mind out of the gutter, I’m not talking about sex – we just covered that[↩]
  5. “shit out of luck” for those of you who needed that[↩]

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in My People

Jun 1 2010

We’ve only just begun…

It’s raining outside. I feel amazing after a run with Dante1, some push-ups, sit-ups and a quick shower. How did he creep into my love for rain? It used to be Franz’s1 thing. Is nothing sacred anymore? Though I’m glad Drake1 and I never actually had any memories in the rain… though I’m not sure there’s anything that could compare to that kiss with Franz. Even now2 I get lost in my thoughts for a good minute or two reliving that passionate moment. If only Franz was as mature emotionally as he was sexually… if only… yadi yadda yadda.

I do wish it had worked out with Franz way back in 1995 but then again, I never would’ve experienced everything I have since then. And they are not the sort of experiences I would wish to do away with. So many boys, then men… and then some boys pretending to be men. Dante asked me a really good question today, ‘when do you think you’ll be ready to get into a serious relationship?’.3 I said, ‘that won’t happen for a very long time… I’m good and broken this time D.’

He seemed to understand. Almost three years ago he got his heart shattered into a million little pieces and was left to pick up the pieces half way across the world without so much as a broom. He’s taken his time, but he’s ready to love again. How’s that for hope? Just when I thought I had lost mine. Knowing that someone like Dante (he has issues – and now add trust issues to that) can be ready.. well, why can’t a hopeless romantic like me? One day… one day…

Until then, I’ll be rambling rather aimlessly for a while so get comfortable.

Footnotes:
  1. name has been changed to protect the innocent[↩][↩][↩]
  2. literally, just now[↩]
  3. In my head I said, ‘When Mario (name has been changed to protect the innocent) gets tired of f******* me…’ but[↩]

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Health & Lifestyle